Recently in ME Category

I think I've decided to actually do this challenge.  Not a lot of restrictions, except time.  It's only for a month, so I will give it a try.  Wish me luck.

1. Sushi - Yummy delicious raw fish goodness with nose numbing wasabi
2. Caffeine - I feel like that Suicidal Tendencies song, "Institutionalized" when he's begging for a Pepsi.  Except, I hate Pepsi so I'd be screaming about wanting Coca-Cola.  I also miss Thai Iced Tea, Caramel Macchiato, or even Espresso Macchiato. 
   
3. High Heels - I can wear them, but they don't seem as comfortable right now as they used to be.  Plus, when I get to the top of a flight of stairs while wearing them, I feel way more tired than before.
   
4. Form Fitting High Waisted Skirts - I had just bought all these adorable skirts with waists and pockets.  I really liked that whole new style I was trying.  Yeah...those were the first things to tip me off that something was amiss.  Now it's all about no tightness please.
5. Cheeses - Blue cheese, feta cheese, goat cheese, Mexican cheeses, Brie, etc etc etc.  I never realized that every cheese I really like would end up being on the "forbidden" list.  This really cramps my eating style at Greek restaurants or when I really want fried green tomatoes with goat cheese. 
   
6. Medium Rare Steaks - I admit it...I love my food practically raw or bloody.  A good steak should never come out charred and blackened. 
7. Shrimp - Since becoming pregnant, I have a real aversion to shrimp which is odd because I used to love it.  Worst thing is it's on the OK list, but each time I try it, it tastes nasty
8. Concerts - I have been trying to only pick events where I know it'll be ventilated and no mosh pits will be formed.  This means I have been missing some great shows already this year.  In fact, I think we'll only be attending two this year (compared to 20ish last year)
9. My Sanity - Since becoming preggo, I have more things to worry my mind with.  Things that never crossed my mind before have now invaded the space occupied by ignorant bliss.  I guess this feeling will continue for the rest of my life.  It's something I am looking forward to, but in the beginning, it's a little overwhelming
10. There is no #10.  I know all of these things are temporary, and I really don't miss any of them that much.  The joys outweigh any 9-mo break or change I must make.  Notice alcohol wasn't on this list.  I don't miss it because I think I don't really care for it that much anyways.  I know once the baby comes my #1 thing I'll miss will probably be sleep.  Until then, is it nap time yet?  ;)
    

 

Have you ever kept a secret? It's weird when you have to, especially when you're normally very open about things going on in your life.  However, I found it's also nice to keep secrets for a little while.  I mean some people were given access to this secret, but for the most part, it was an insulated bubble of knowledge, and I enjoyed that exclusivity a lot. 

It did bring about some unforeseen consequences though. Because I couldn't talk about what I wanted to talk about, I found I had little else to speak about.  Everything else felt inconsequential compared to this monumental secret.  I also found I didn't really speak to people anymore, except for Mr. O, fam, and le BFF (mostly because they were in on the secret and that's what I wanted to talk about).  Because of this some people seemed to think I was purposely ignoring them; however, didn't actually ask me about it, nor did they try to ask how I was.  All that combined with what I was withholding made for a few tense and stressful weeks. 

Well, even now as I have let the cat out of the bag on my social networking sites, I am cautiously optimistic.  Sometimes these secrets are better contained in their vacuums.  It's harder to reign in information once it has escaped.  I can only hope I made the right decisions telling people our news.  I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and happiness from others.  To see others affected by our news in such emotional ways, makes me feel really special and loved.  I am honored to have the friends that I have. 

So what is this secret?  I'm sure you can figure it out from the picture below.  I am getting a very big and very permanent birthday present this year, and we couldn't be more happy.  This is the next step in the journey of our lives and how fortunate to be able to have this life at all.  Plus, I get to share this with my cousin who is experiencing the same thing and that makes me overjoyed. We are the same age and both Year of the Rabbit, so to have this happen to both of us on another Year of the Rabbit makes it extra special.   

We see it everywhere...starting right after Dec 25th officially ending the Christmas season.  Yup, it's that time again, Valentine's Day.  I don't know any other "holiday" that fills so many people with different emotions.  I think it's even worse than Christmas or getting older each year.  Valentine's Day is used as some kind of status symbol and for many, it just stresses them out.  Even those who are "truly, madly, deeply" in love feel the stress of expectation and slight competitiveness.  How much is too much to show your undying love and devotion?  Is it one giant teddy bear?  Or is it 10 dozen special imported roses?  Or maybe it must sparkle brighter than the North Star?

I am grateful that I am not swept up in the stresses of V-Day anymore.  Call it marriage or security, but the days of feeling some need to impress (aka "one-up) my husband aren't as strong as they were at the beginning of our courtship.  I'd rather impress him with things we decide together than with some over the top gesture that won't be remembered as well as building a solid relationship based on love and respect.  It doesn't mean I've lost my romantic spirit.  It just means we have switched priorities a bit.  Besides, I'd rather go more out on his birthday because that day is his alone. (Also, this V-Day we are giving ourselves a VERY nice present so no complaints from this girl)


But, I totally get why people are freaking out all around me.  There are some in fledgling relationships who want magic to strike and hope with all their might that this is the perfect moment that will make someone see how perfect they are for them.  That's a lot of pressure.  I know how hard it is when all you want is for someone to love you back as much as you think you love them.

Sadly, maybe no matter how hard you try, it's not really "true love".  You can't make someone love you back.  Bonnie Raitt taught us that in her heartbreaking song, "I Can't Make You Love Me".  It's not the end of the world though.  I think if that other person doesn't love you the way you think you should be loved, it wasn't really love anyways.  I say this not to be cruel, but to be realistic because when real love does strike, it's not just about someone seeing you as flawless.  That is a myth and can't last.  It's about someone accepting your flaws, but most importantly, it's about you accepting your flaws and owning up to them.  If you constantly try to MAKE someone think you're the right person, you're definitely the WRONG person.  The right person already sees you clearly and accepts every part of you.

I can hear you saying it already..."But I don't want to be alone."  Who does?  That doesn't mean that love has to be romantic on V-Day.  When I was single, I enjoyed doing things with friends that we all loved to do.  It wasn't a bitter harpies club.  It was a day to celebrate independence and optimism that we'd find the right person, but also that we would always have the support of our friends too. I think it's sad when someone invests so much time trying to please others that they get lost and eventually start blaming everyone else for their misfortune.  Eleanor Roosevelt was a very inspirational woman, and she said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  You better believe that is 100% true.  We all know that those who pretend they don't need love or reject feelings probably needs more love than most people.  It's scary to be vulnerable, but I think it's a lonely road to go it all by yourself.

In the end, we are all humans, and we all crave personal attention to some degree.  Some are more needy than others, or maybe they're just more vocal about their needs than others.  Some may be struggling in silence.  So I say, on this Valentine's Day, be kind to your fellow man.  Don't create false expectations that will ultimately be broken, especially if you don't have the guts to be honest in the first place.  Smile at strangers or do something out of your nature like eat lunch with the person who is always alone.  You may just make that person's day, and it may save your heart too. 

I love you all.  Have a good Valentine's Day no matter how you feel about it.  If it's just another ordinary Monday, then have the best Monday you can have.  It will be over before you know it.

Just some thoughts for the day:

1. A good credit score IS totally worth it. You CAN own the world with "Excellent Credit", but you will have to pay it back with interest.
   
2. Supply and demand when it's not in your favor really blows. Just make more of them, dammit!
3. If you don't want someone to see something, then don't write it in a public place.  If you wanted someone to see it, then it's just childish to play silly passive aggressive games. 
   
4. I am the suckiest haggler on the planet.  I would never be able to function in one of the barter societies.  I would always end up giving away one too many of my precious goats.  Sales people scare me with their trickery. 
   
5. Sometimes compromise is hard because of emotional investment blocking that logical part of your brain that ensures you're actually using your brain and not just your heart.
   
6. I consider myself extremely lucky, even if I get extremely frustrated at times.
   
7. I'm giving up the teal hair today and will most likely end up with some form of blue or purple instead.  To most it'll probably just look like my hair is all black until the color brightens a little, but I'll know it's there.
8. Just like Morrissey, "I never wanted to kill, I AM NOT NATURALLY EVIL. Such things I do just to make myself more attractive to you. HAVE I FAILED ?" ~So it's an exaggeration, but sometimes I think things like this too. 
9. Some things run their course and when they're done, they're done.  It's no one's fault.  No blame will be dealt. Some things are just not that permanent.
   
10. I am a Worry Bear. As much as I try not to be, I am.  I wish I was more cavalier and optimistic, but I am always thinking about the "What If's".  It can be exhausting, but I'm working on it.
    

When I was little, my parents seemed old because they were my parents and that meant they were grown ups.  However, as I got older, age became a relative measure of personal growth and differences in ages could shrink or expand depending on the person.  I knew some people who are the same age as me, yet I felt so much older and more mature than them.  In converse, I see what some of my high school classmates have accomplished since we graduated and I am amazed by them.  I also wonder if I accomplished anything in comparison.

So I am left wondering when did we become grown ups and what does that really mean? When I turned 18, I still lived under my parent's roof, ate their food, and needed their guidance *and money*.  Then, when I graduated from college at 20 and began working in the real world, I still lived with my parents, yet was making very good money for my age.  Plus, I was working in a "real" job where my actions had consequences and I was held to certain standards.  Much like school, yet my livelihood depended on my employment. So, is that when I became a grown up?

Hard to tell considering life experiences have shaped me to be who I am.  I had to experience good and bad things before I started to feel truly independent.  It wasn't just about being able to support myself, buying a house or a car, or living on my own.  It was also a mental leap into knowing I had responsibilities.  I couldn't rely on falsehoods or playing dumb to make it.  I couldn't pretend it'd be okay when I needed to own my decisions.  I couldn't not control things such as money and my spending just because I wanted something I probably didn't need. 

Mentally, I feel like a grown up most days, but I also have this deep yearning and reflection of times passed by.  I want to relive experiences that I didn't have when I was younger because I can now and this time I'll enjoy them more.  I share my life with someone because I know he is the only one I would ever want to spend forever with.  I don't take it for granted that he has chosen me as well.  It's not always easy, but we communicate and are selfless at times, but don't give away everything.  We don't lose ourselves into co-dependency. 

So...am I a "grown up"?  By all definitions, sure, but, I still have fears that I am not grown up enough.  Like I missed some life experiences and am not prepared for my future.  I guess this is completely natural.  I also hope life has prepared me in more ways than I even knew.

In the end, it's just a word, and it's also a mentality.  I will be as grown up as I need to be, but choose to not lose all those parts of me that make me childlike and see wonder in the world.  I don't want to be a stodgy adult who is burnt with cynicism.  I want to be happy and enjoy this one life to the fullest. 

I didn't really answer the question did I? ;)

There are many reasons why we choose to give presents during the holidays.  Some reasons may include obligation or custom, but deep down, I think there's more to why we do it. Here is a list of reason why I may choose to give gifts:

1. I love you
2. You are my friend and I want you to know how important that friendship means to me
3. I wish I could give gifts to everyone all the time, but I can't, so I hope this one present shows you what you mean to me
4. I find joy in making others happy, and it's not about reciprocation
5. Shopping for others is almost as satisfying as shopping for myself. ;) However, if I shop online, I feel like I'm getting a present too because I get to open the boxes to see which item has arrived.
   
6. It's exciting to wonder what someone looks like when they open what you gave them.  That anticipation contains a nervous fun.
   
7. I like wrapping paper (it's true Mr. O, I do)
8. The hunt - Coming up with ideas for what to get someone, and then finding it is thrilling
9. The aftermath - After all the presents have been opened, there is a quiet as everyone looks at what they received.  Most people are usually smiling, and feel happy during that time.  I wish we all felt like that always.
10. It's a sort of atonement for me.  It's my way of asking your forgiveness for any time during the year that I wasn't the best friend, spouse, family member, etc to you.  It's not much, but it's a small way to say thank you and forgive me all at once.  (This one is selfish, but it's my list and it's what I feel).
    

So, during the holiday season, I hope people don't get hung up on the materialism of thinking they are forced to reciprocate.  I don't do things expecting something back.  I do things because I want to spread joy and happiness. If we can't feel grateful to be alive, have friends, loved ones, pets, or fun in our lives, then any present will be marred.  I want us to only feel the joy of knowing we are all loved by someone, even ourselves.  That's right...it's OK to give yourself a present too (we all know we should ask ourselves forgiveness for not being the best we can be to that person in the mirror).

If you're anything like me, Christmas is a wonderful time of year, but it also comes with STRESS.  I know I should think about Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving, but time always gets away from me.  It's like my birthday in August, followed by Dragon*Con over Labor Day, JapanFest and Anime Weekend Atlanta a few weeks later, Mr. O's birthday in October, Fall concert season, and next thing I know it's already Thanksgiving.  This year added the fun of having visitors twice in November. And I do mean that sincerely.  

So here I am, on Dec 13th, and guess what? I somehow completed most of my shopping, wrapped, boxed, and shipped my gifts to all the corners of America.  How did I do this?  Well, I figured I couldn't make time stand still so I had to make time more efficient.  I made my normal Christmas list spreadsheet with names, gift ideas, budgeted amount, actual amount spent, and the difference above or below budget.  This year the list got altered, but names come and go, and some re-added.  It just happens.  We budget for a certain amount each year, but we don't beat ourselves up for going above.  After all, that list also includes a lot of December and January birthdays (double presents). 

After that was completed, I hit the interwebz and did comparison shopping, browsing, and some shopping.  I have Amazon Prime so I took advantage of that (It's a $75/yr subscription for 2-day FREE shipping).  For me, it pays for itself on any Monday when I realize it's someone's birthday in California on Wednesday.  I have been saved by Prime many times over. 

So in the end, I did venture outside to some stores, but I tried to buy mostly online instead.  For some things I shipped it directly to my Mom's because I'll be there for Christmas this year and didn't want to have to take it on the plane.  For other things, I had it shipped to my house so I could wrap and package with the rest of the stuff. 

Yesterday I wrapped.  Mr. O says I have a wrapping paper addiction.  But, really, how can you resist amazing prints for $2.50?  A worthy investment I think.  It's too bad I can't take some of my newly purchased paper with me to Cali so I could wrap all my stuff in the same paper.  Oh well.

Today I shipped out five boxes.  They'll all arrive by the week's end.  That means, I am over a week ahead of schedule.

This also means, I have less to do while on vacation and can concentrate on fun.  Le sis and I already have plans to hit up Melrose for some Betsey, Tarina, and Kid Robot shopping.  I also hope to fit in a trip to Disneyland.  It's always so pretty during the holidays and I love the Nightmare Before Christmas themed out Haunted House. 

This is not meant to sound like I'm gloating.  I'm just proud I figured out a way to make life less stressful for myself for once. I hope you're doing well and not freaking out.  If you are, I bet some egg nog with rum would help. ;)

*I do have a few people on my list that I am in a literal quandary as to what to get them.  That part always feels frustrating.  But, we'll figure it out.  I hope.   

This week started off with a lot of questions and uncertainty.  Working for a corporation means you have to be prepared for the unexpected, and no one is really ever secure.  The new work force is not one where tomorrow holds a guarantee for your future employment.  I found out our department was dismantled and each piece would be moved to other areas.  With this change came some layoffs as well.  However, I was still employed and the new place I was moved to was promising, if not familiar (my old stomping grounds).  I kept my hopes up and wished for the best.

While this is hardly the response I got (we are professionals after all), this is what my ego heard.  Somehow, by some will and strength I didn't even know I possessed, I kept my cool and didn't have a breakdown, not even a little one.  If anyone knows me, I hardly ever can keep my emotions at bay.  I wear my heart on my sleeve quite often.  I don't know what it was that glued me together, but I am proud of it.  Yet, it may have come off that I was "OK" with the changes which is not the case either. Cool as a cucumber may have been too cool.
 

Yes, yes, I love the band too, but in this instance, I am referring to my little sister.  Her name is Devin and our last name (my maiden name) starts with an 'O', so she's been DEV-O or Devo forever.  It's a good thing she's uber-awesome and loves the 80's or else the title of Devo may not be so fitting.


Well, Devo came to visit us in Atlanta for Thanksgiving last week and we had so much fun.  Her visit made me realize, even more, how much I miss California.  I miss being able to be to just hang out with my family.  I miss being able to eat, or shop, or be goofy together.  I miss being able to talk about important things like our futures and relationships.  I miss just knowing how she's doing on a daily basis.  We both lead busy lives so we mostly stay in touch via Twitter, Facebook, Texts, or Instagram.  Without these social networking outlets, I'd be worse off than I am, but nothing compares to face-to-face time with family.

Devo will be hitting a milestone on Dec 2nd.  She'll be turning the big 21.  *OK, I'm going to admit my age on the internet, but it was bound to happen eventually*  Devo and I are 14 years apart.  I was the baby before she was born.  For the beginning of her life, I was almost another parent or she was my living doll.  It wasn't until she was older that we became such good friends.  As she became a teenager, we started morphing into similar people without even being near each other that often.  Years back my cousin asked our family to assist with a genetic lab experiment for her then boyfriend's PhD (now husband).  Our whole family provided DNA and they were able to analyze it.  It came back that Devo and I had the most similar DNA out of ALL family members (immediate and extended).  So genetically, it seems Devo and I are meant to be alike.

Today I talked Mr. O into going to the Indie Craft Experience (ICE) in Atlanta.  I heard about it last year, but didn't make it out.  This year, because of Twitter and some blogs, I knew more about it, plus wanted to meet people I followed (Twitter, blogs, tumblr, etc).  It's a 2-day event where local artists sell their homemade crafts ranging from jewelry, hair accessories, cards, toys, clothes, food, paintings, art, etc.  I definitely wanted to go on the first day of the event to ensure early pickings of these one of a kind goods. 

The event was held in kind of a sketchy part of town at the Ambient Plus Studios.  Parking was tight and the sidewalks displayed activity I don't care to speak of here, but it skeeved me out all the same. >.<  There was a truck selling food outside, but it wasn't just hot dogs and hamburgers.  This truck sold fancy truck food.  I didn't eat any because we had breakfast earlier at Ria's Bluebird Cafe.  Coincidentally, the girl who took our money recognized me because she too was having breakfast at the same place when we were there.  I recognized her by her cool glasses and headband and she recognized me by my glasses and hair/headband (I guess like minded people are drawn to each other). 

Inside we went and we were greeted by a room buzzing with activity.  There were booths set up throughout a good sized space.  I told Mr. O that I wanted to start at the back and work my way back to the front/exit.  It was CROWDED.  I guess everyone had the same idea to go early.  The crowd was mostly female of all ages, but there were some men there too (shopping and vendors).  Everyone was very friendly and it felt good to support local artisans.

Come and check out what I bought -->

So this morning I was driving to work and heard the DJ announce on a very Top 40 radio station, "Here's a new song from Florence + The Machine. It's called, Dog Days Are Over.  And if you haven't seen it, there's a very cute youtube video of a baby dancing to this song."  Now, I did keep the station on the song because I do like it, but it did make me tweet the following rant.  (It's only been altered since this morning to make it easier to read and to fix a few typos).  

A little non-consequential observation rant by Mrs. O:

I love music. Maybe not as much as those who dedicate their time to create music blogs I follow, but enough that I value music as something that defines me. I usually tend to be more on the indie/alternative music sector. I don't know hiphop/rap or pop very well, but I like to stay up to date on new bands/music ventures.

HOWEVER, I'm a hypocrite. I want people to KNOW great music. I wish more people listened to artists I think are amazing. Yet, the MINUTE these bands find commercial success, I start getting turned off of them. I start feeling like they "sold out to the machine" and aren't "genuine" anymore. I judge them harshly and unfairly for doing what I kinda wanted them to do from the beginning...succeed.

So, why do I start resenting them? Well, for one, they become "radio friendly" with usually one hit only. Then we have to hear Top 40 DJs say things like, "coming up, new song from Florence...," when I've been listening to Dog Days Are Over before the dog days ended. I have to see tweets that say, "I discovered so-in-so a month ago so I'm responsible for their success". I have to see people who don't appreciate how awesome any of their other work is buy up all the concert tickets (for a fricken stadium because that's where you go when you become "radio friendly") and stand around not even listening to the band while drinking beer and taking pictures and only paying attention when "your jam" comes on even though you scored better seats than me.

I guess I'm just sad that no one listened when I said they were great, but now that Julia Roberts is involved, they become a "one hit wonder" to mainstream. They no longer belong to me. They belong to the Walmarters who saw the movie. It's not the band's fault, but I lose interest anyways.

~Diane

This is not a diss against Florence AT ALL.  In fact, I encourage everyone to buy her album Lungs.  I first heard her in mid 2009 after Kiss With a Fist was featured on a TV show.  I bought her EP A Lot of Love, A Lot of Blood and wore it out.  Lungs came out July 2009 and I bought it the day it came out.  So, as you can see, it's purely luck, or really hard work, that a band makes it to radio/mainstream.  Their break came w/ being featured on the Eat, Pray, Love trailer which was shown before MANY Summer 2010 blockbusters.  It's a great infectious song.

I just want people to love music the way I love music. I want to experience the feeling of seeing a band play a small club where you can see them and talk to them.  You can see the fire before the corporate machine makes them into something they may not be.  Or before the band spits on those who made them popular and becomes primadonnas (I'm talking to you, KOL).

I won't lose my fire for these bands if they don't lose their fire for good music.

Deal? Let's shake on that.
    

This will be a quick post just to let everyone know I shouldn't be posting anything because I am busy at work.  It's quarterly metrics time and guess who is up to her eyeballs in spreadsheets and powerpoint?  Yup, that'd be me.

But don't worry, I'll unbury myself eventually.  However, this does mean I won't be posting much this week.  I have deadlines to make and I must finish everything so I can have my mini vacation time with @jhenry47.  She's coming in on Oct 30th and we have a 3 day concert bender planned with Jonsi, Interpol, & Ra Ra Riot. 

On a Thursday long ago, a day just like today, on October 14th, my husband was born.  The year is not important because age is a relative thing.  When we were 5, 10 seemed grown up, and 20 was ancient.  The older we get, the farther away "old" actually seems.  The important thing to remember is Mr. Oshimbo was born, thus pushing him into the world on a path that would ultimately lead him to me.  I am the lucky one that found the gift that is him and I hope I cherish him everyday, not just on his birthday.  But, on his birthday, I hope he feels even more loved.

Today I learned some news that really, really, really, really made me the opposite of happy.  And I know when it comes out and I have any opinion that is not YAY, then people will say "haters gonna hate." And in some parts, yeah, I am hatin', but mostly I feel the "how" is against what I consider good.  I know...


But what if I find the game repulsive and lacking of all things I want for myself?  I don't want my future tied up in things that make me feel dirty or underhanded.  I don't want to be a "yes man" just so people think I play along even though I find so many things mediocre at best.  It all just makes me feel like this...

But that's not nice and against my core beliefs too (What what? I'm against murder? Yeah, shocking isn't it?).  So, how do I continue to live in this world when no matter what I do it's not what business wants or accepts?  I don't want to conform.  In most cases, I don't even want what others have, but I do wish I saw more people who got things they actually deserved.  I'm tired of seeing celebratory actions of people I really can't stand.  Their actions piss me off especially when they flaunt it too.

I want to knock the smug off their mugs sometimes.  So after being beat down with all of this, it's no wonder I am my own self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.  I don't want it, I detest it, I don't do it, which means there's nothing to show for it, so no one takes notice, and I wonder why someone else got it.  Yeah, I suck. I'm sure my attitude is pretty transparent, but sometimes I don't care.  I am not entirely sure what I'm so pissed off at really.

 I also don't want to end up like Ambrose...

That kind of attitude will expose me and that won't help.  Really this post is just a place for me to vent.  There are no solutions, nor do I really want to "solve" anything or make a stink.  I just found myself upset over something and needed to get it out.  Ranting is more beneficial to my long term goals than self medicating would be (not that I do anything like that...I don't...never have, and most likely never will...but in emergencies, morphine is nice...I digress).

Yes, and as I finish this I see that this is life, and this is everywhere.  I can pretend it'd be different someplace else, but most likely, it's all the same.  I'll still be hating the game and its "playas" because I don't want to play that game, and don't want to be compared to those players.  Alas, if I want what I want, then I'll find a way to do it that still matches my morals and ideals in life.  I won't change myself to get ahead.  I can't.  And with that, I end this rant.  Thanks for listening.

P.S. So this is not all one-sided:  I do have a friend who rightfully has received an award for accomplishments.  I am very proud of this person's recognition because I do believe it is deserved and done for the good of the job, not just for the good of the individual.  Congrats to you!

I am not sure how many people know that I was a professional "dancer/actress/model" from around ages 8-16.  I even had my SAG & AFTRA cards to prove it.  I lived close enough to Hollywood that I could go to auditions and work if necessary.  I never hit it big, and I can make all the excuses about being Asian which fell in popularity after White, Black, Hispanic, & Red-Head, or that Big-eyed Asians were popular when I was young, or I looked too mature too fast, etc.  I could say all that is true, but in reality, if I were being truly honest, I never wanted it.  I was a good dancer, and for some time, I was a great dancer.  However, I have always been a great mimic.  You show me what you want, and I will copy it exactly.  You tell me what emotion you want me to portray, I will give you that.  But if you asked me to create or just "be" the dance/character, I probably failed.  It takes a drive that I don't have to survive Hollywood.

Yet, I will always value what I learned from my experiences and the moderate success of a few jobs that I did do.  I see some of the kids I worked with who continue to work today and I am amazed at their perseverance.  They knew at a young age what they always wanted to do and I am slightly envious of that certainty. 

My favorite musical is A Chorus Line.  I have seen it twice on Broadway in NYC, the original and the revival.  I love the movie (Michael Douglas stars as The Director, Zach).  In my everyday life, the songs in A Chorus Line will run through my head during situations where I feel I am being tested and want something. 

A Chorus Line is a musical about the audition process to choose dancers who will perform in the chorus.  The chorus are those dancers in the background who backup the stars of the show.  They aren't the ones to receive the most recognition, but for a dancer, and opportunity to even perform in any capacity in a show is a great honor, and very competitive.  This story showcases the lives of dancers to show who they are beyond amazing performers who can "mimic" a producer's vision.  They are humanized and you feel for each one of them.

The song that hits home each time I hear it is during the opening sequence of "I Hope I Get It."  It is sung by the character Paul who sings "Who Am I Anyway?". The sentiments are not just about an audition, but knowing who you are as a person. 

 

Enter - VENT

I can't believe I am going to write an entry about manners, but yes, I am. This is a personal blog for me.  The things I do or write about were all added because I wanted to add them or they helped me with something.  It could be organization (fanfic), it could be emotional, or it could be because I wanted to share something. I did not start this blog to become a business.  I'm not here to sell anything or even profit from what I do by gaining "popularity".  Ultimately, this is my vanity effort to ensure a place in this world that is me.

Well, I started a fanfiction entry awhile back because I was having a hard time organizing what I was reading and how I felt about these stories.  That was great for me to go to one entry to find everything I needed.  In that journey I started "collecting" stories so I could add them to my nook instead of needing to have internet connection to read Complete stories. I then was given "The Office" from my friend.  I thought I'd be nice and offer this story to people if they asked.  No big deal...like I said, I only do things that I want to do and I thought it'd be a nice gesture.

Well, I never knew I'd become this peddler of lost stories and how far reaching my little blog would go for people to find this story.  As time went on, I started amassing other "lost" stories that had been pulled.  Each time, I updated my blog and offered to provide a PDF copy to people if they asked for it.  Again, no biggie.  Yes, I receive 5-10 requests a day and if I don't handle them within a short time-frame I end up spending hours ensuring everyone gets what they want.  But, still I don't really have a problem with the time right now because I offered to help and I am getting involved with some very nice people. 

BUT...you knew a but had to be here somewhere...I do have some peeves that are growing and make me want to tear my hair out or shut down the entry for good. 

Oh yes, here's a word that holds so much potential for greatness, or can turn someone's world upside down.  How many times have we heard, "Trust me," only to be misled? I think it's one of the single most difficult things to ever give someone.  To say you "trust" someone means you are throwing out any preconceived notions, experiences, and walls of self-preservation away. 

Some give this away easily, while others take a lifetime getting there.  However, with some friendships or relationships, this thing called trust is not work; it's just there without judgment or fear. Maybe it's because neither has done anything to shatter that illusion, but that'd be pretty cynical of me to see the world that way.

How well do you trust people? How well do you trust yourself? There's a lyric in a Face to Face song that says, "Trust is something that comes easy when you've never been a victim." I believe this is true.  The more times you've had trust broken, the harder it is to penetrate through that self-preservation wall hiding your heart. 

However, I wonder how much life is missed by trying to protect ourselves?  How much are we stunting our own development by not trusting in our own abilities to make good decisions or even trusting that someone can be relied on in a positive way?

I find myself not trusting myself sometimes because I think I fear the unknown. I have been doing a lot of soul searching during my "1/3 life crisis" lately and need to open my heart to the universe a little more.  It hasn't hurt me in the past so there's no reason not to trust that it would steer me wrong now, right? I may take baby steps to get there, but I will get to wherever "there" is.  

So I have Netflix and they recently released their iPhone app which allows me to watch ANY of my Instant View movies on my phone at any time.  I was so excited I started putting a TON of movies in my queue, even if I'd watched them before. I added Donnie Darko because I wanted to watch s. Darko and needed to rewatch the original again.

Now, I know this is like a "cult" classic and so many people are always raving about it like it's the greatest movie.  I do like it, and its stylistic weirdness, but it's also a movie that I am not obsessed about. Nor do I claim things like "if you want to understand me, then just watch this movie," like some of my friends have said. 

After I watched Donnie Darko, I immediately watched s. Darko and that movie was even stranger than the first. I like time traveling movies, yet I still leave both movies a bit perplexed. Donnie makes more "logical" sense to me than s. did, but then again, the sequel was probably made more to confuse and "trip you out" than make much sense.

But, this brings me to why I'm writing about the movies. I have been trying to figure out a way to express myself creatively in a way that feels like me.  I am enthralled by vinyl toys such as Kid Robot or Tokidoki.  They have that "kawaii" cuteness I am obsessed with, but also a creepy cool style I love.  What I didn't really get was that there was a whole DIY following where people buy the plain Munnys, Dunnys, or other toys and make their own creations. 

I found a whole webpage dedicated to just that on the Kid Robot website called Munnyworld. They have the vinyl toys currently available and even include some tips for creating your own.  Mr. Oshimbo has been interested in these ever since we saw Doktor A.'s amazing Steampunk Munny that he had designed to have three separate rotating faces.  I wish I had taken a picture of it because it's not on the webpage.  Mr. Oshimbo wants to expand his robotics skills to possibly make a Munny mechanical and allow me to decorate it. We bought three DIY toys (2 Munnys and 1 Trikky).

I found the Donnie Darko DIY creation while getting inspiration.  It is just one example of how you can create a recognizable creation from something foreign. You instantly know this is a Donnie Darko piece without it actually saying "I am the rabbit from Donnie Darko". I must say, I think I like the Dunny version of the rabbit more than the actual one.  Like I said, I like things cute and creepy. 

Check out this flickr Munnyworld Group to see great customizations. 

I don't know what I'll make or even if they'll be any good, but I hope it will make me feel like I'm leaving a trace of my creativity in the world. =) 

For the past three years, Mr. Oshimbo and I have ventured to Dragon*Con in Atlanta, GA.  Our only regret is we never knew it existed until three years ago.  However, this convention has been going on for 22 years now, every Labor Day weekend, and is the Southeast's largest Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Gaming, Anime, Comics, Pop-Culture convention.  It is very "fan" driven versus events like San Diego Comic-Con that are mostly industry driven (or have become industry driven as it's grown to monumental sizes over the years).

Well, from the moment we went three years ago, our eyes were opened and our hearts were found.  It was like finding 30K people who are just as dedicated and nerdy/geeky as you.  They all converge and are there for the same thing...FUN. 

The way Dragon*Con works is events are broken into "Tracks" of programming.  These include such things as: Whedonverse (all things Joss Whedon), YA Lit (Young Adult Literature), BritTrack (British SciFi TV), Anime (Anime/Manga), FILK (SciFi Folk Singing), Robotics, Costuming, Dark Fantasy, etc, etc, etc.  Here is the link to the fan tracks available with more information on each. The schedule is broken up into now five downtown Atlanta hotels (Expanded from four last year) with pretty much 24-Hrs worth of daily entertainment.  The schedule doesn't come out until about 4-days before the Con starts and then the mad scheduling begins.  I'd say it took Mr. Oshimbo and I about 4-hrs to go through everything to pick our 1st, 2nd, and sometimes 3rd choice activities per time slot. 

Come along and read how our Dragon*Con Adventure went this year...

This corresponds very nicely with the blog entry I wrote yesterday dealing with "What I want to be when I grow up."  The tie-in really makes me think the universe is trying to send me a message and I just need to be open enough to receive it, internalize it, and act upon it.

So in the past few weeks I have started to take an interest in the internet again.  And no, I don't mean, "wow, the internet is a series of tubes and oh look, the guy who said it is now dead because I read it online at a big corporation's website."  I mean, that I've been trying to branch out of from my comfortable social networking and see what people are writing about or posting.  I also don't mean my piddly blog or someone's tumblr where they're just copy/pasting someone else's pictures and call it a blog.  I don't even really mean a fan site blog run by normal fans.


The interwebz that I want to get to know again is the place where creativity is born. I want to find the places where people have found ways to make a living doing EXACTLY what they want in a creative manner.  Call it motivation or inspiration to me, but I look up to ANYONE who has found the courage to leave the mundane and do their passion.

Maybe I am having a "mid-life" crisis (I did just recently celebrate another birthday; one which placed me into the next box on "check your age range" on surveys).  Or maybe it's an awakening.  I have a choice to make in a few years and it comes down to "what do I want to do with my life?" I know it's not what I am currently doing; however, do you ever feel like you don't have the talent or gumption to do what you truly love for fear that you're not going to be successful doing it? I have that fear all the time.  I hope that by seeing examples of other people being successful doing what they love, I will find the courage to do that as well.

Come see some blogs I like -->   

I'll admit that I am late on the Scott Pilgrim bandwagon.  I am a manga reader so I usually don't know the cool comics/graphic novels that become popular.  However, when I saw the trailer for the movie a few months before the movie came out I was instantly intrigued.  I'll admit...I am a Michael Cera fan.  I know a lot of people are sick of nerd awkward persona, but I still dig it.  Maybe his "nerdspeak" speaks to people like me. 

So, while I was hyped for the movie and understood its premise, I didn't do much research like reading the comics (although the set is now saved on my Amazon wish-list with the Highest priority...Got that people?).  I didn't know who the seven evil exes were or even who else was in the movie beyond what I saw in the trailer. 

I saw the movie last weekend and I loved it.  It was weird and quirky and over-the-top.  My husband said it'll probably be a cult classic type movie.  I am guessing that will be true considering it kinda tanked by industry standards.  I don't care...I LOVED IT.

But, here's where this entry moves to my new favorite character...KNIVES CHAU.  --> Come with me to learn more. =)

I have been an iPhone user since Feb 2008.  I had an original model and I unlocked/jailbroke it to remain on T-Mobile.  Because of this relationship, I missed out on a lot of the upgrades because I'd have to wait for the new jailbreak, which sometimes did not include some of the native iPhone features.  So, I missed 3G and 3GS upgrades and was jealous of my friends who could do more with their phones; however, I enjoyed being on T-Mobile for the price, even if it was bit slow (Edge network only).

Then in 2010, with all the hype about the new iPhone 4, I really wanted to upgrade.  My husband ended his T-Mobile relationship early by jumping to Sprint so he could have the first 4G compatible HTC EVO phone (he's an Android nut for its open-source, endless hacking opportunities design).  This meant I would finally make the leap to AT&T, much to my own reluctance.  Yet, many people told me they did not encounter the #ATTFail so many spoke of.  I wanted the new phone...so network or not, I was moving.

I got my new iPhone 4 on 24-Jun-2010, the day they were released (purchased at Best Buy presale...much less hassle than the Apple or AT&T stores).  Since then, it's like I have had a brand new phone in almost all ways: 5MP camera with zoom/flash/front-side camera, 720i HD video recording, iOS4, 3G speeds, etc.

And here is where my new obsession was born.  I love, and I mean LOVE, taking photos on my iPhone 4, then manipulating them with a slew of purchased apps from the App Store.  I seem to rarely want to take photos with my actual compact camera (Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZS3 with 9MP, HD recording, and 12x optical zoom).  It's so much more convenient to just take photos on the phone, and then "play with them" until I like them.

See the apps after the break ---> 

As the Cold War Kids' Hospital Beds song implies, I was in the hospital.  It was my first time in the hospital and overall, not a horrible experience thanks to the nice people who worked there.

So, the iPad was finally available on 3-Apr-2010.  We didn't get one even though many of you think we're such Apple Fanatics that we'd buy everything sight unseen.  While we do have 6 iPods, 2 MacBooks, 1 iMac, 1 MacMini, and 1 iPhone, we're pretty good at getting the devices that will best suit our needs. We also gave away 1 iBook to a home that could benefit from it more than us.  We're like an Apple Orphanage sometimes. If we did decide to get the iPad, we'd want the 3G version not available until the end of April 2010.  But, we don't need the iPad...why? Well, no camera, no flash support, no multitasking, and an AT&T 3G bill...no thanks.  I'd rather get a new iPhone or a new MacBook Pro. 

But, here's a funny video going around the interwebz today from Revision 3.  Enjoy!

Today I did something I thought I'd never do...I deleted my myspace account.  I didn't even really think about it.  I just decided, why do I still keep this account around when I'm never on it?

Now that I have done it, I have small pangs of guilt and sadness over its absence.  Not enough to really regret it, but some to make me nostalgic for years gone by. 

Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)

I have been very excited about the release of the movie Where The Wild Things Are since I saw the first trailer for it months ago.  The trailer included Arcade Fire's Wake Up and it was so moving I almost cried watching it.  Since then, I have been soaking up everything I can find. Now I wasn't even a fan of the book because I was past childhood when it came out, but the images from the movie were so captivating and so recognizable from the illustrations that I have since become a fan.

I bought the soundtrack to the movie last week without even listening to any of the songs.  However, I did know that Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs was doing it with Carter Burwell (recently of Twilight score fame) so it wasn't like it'd be a huge mystery.  I was blown away from the first listen.  Karen O and the Kids have captured youth, wonder, fear, amazement, excitement, and sometimes worry.

After listening for awhile, I started collecting my favorite songs and my favorite is Worried Shoes. It's very subdued and simple with just a piano in the background and Karen O's broken, tender voice that captures the song's theme.  After looking up the lyrics, I found this song is actually a cover and was originally recorded by Daniel Johnston.  It's a brilliant song.

Lyrics and more after the jump...

I saw this movie for my birthday the other day and ever since I can't get it out of my head.  It's like it has planted this thought seed inside and I want to dissect it, appreciate it, contemplate it, and revisit it.  I've been trying to figure out why, but in the end it just resonated with me and has earned a spot in my favorite movies list. 

If you have NOT seen it, STOP HERE, and don't read any further because I'm going to discuss it and I don't want to give anything away.  I will strongly suggest you go watch it right now...find a theater, a showing, and don't hesitate. You will love it. 

In a statement from Twitter's blog today:

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Denial of Service Attack

On this otherwise happy Thursday morning, Twitter is the target of a denial of service attack. Attacks such as this are malicious efforts orchestrated to disrupt and make unavailable services such as online banks, credit card payment gateways, and in this case, Twitter for intended customers or users. We are defending against this attack now and will continue to update our status blog as we continue to defend and later investigate.

I have been watching a lot of movies lately that make me feel emotional about love: Finding love, messing up love, growing old with the one you love, losing love, losing loved ones, etc.  Because of this, I thought I'd tell the story of how I became an Oshimbo.

(If you were wondering, Oshimbo is a combination of both our last names.  We jokingly said we'd be like Mayor Villaraigosa of Los Angeles who made a new last name when he and his wife married; however, ours was a silly name and not one I wanted officially on documents.  I do like it for websites though) 

I am sure other people wonder the same thing because some days I wonder, "How in the world did that person find my twitter account and what made them hit the FOLLOW button?"

I'm not a celebrity, I'm not a "genre" twitter account, I'm not an expert at anything, nor am I super funny, perverse, or witty.  Yet, I have almost 200 people who are currently following me.  There have been more, but obviously they figured out I am a fraud and stopped following, but for the ones that stay...why?

www.mrs.oshimbo.com...can we talk?

I realize that when I created you, you actually expected that we'd have some kind of meaningful relationship filled with hours upon hours of heartfelt conversations.  However, I believe I duped you into believing that was my MO.  You see, while I have every intention of meeting you half way in this relationship, for some reason, I just get too distracted to remember you. 

I know, don't cry, it's not you, it's me.

Hi Everyone.  I am a horrible blogger (*hangs head in shame*).  How will I ever actually switch to this web page if I never actually use it?  Actually, I haven't updated my public site, www.itsnotamonkey.com either.  Well, I have a problem.  Why update that old page when I'll then have to transfer it over to this page?  But, at the same time, why should I update this page, when it's not public yet because it's pretty boring looking? 

Today is Valentine's Day.

We exchanged presents, we ate a great dinner, and we saw the ballet (I'll write about that later). But, the greatest gift we received is the help from a stranger. We got a flat tire at dinner and left it for after the ballet.

Now Ross is changing it, but was having problems getting the lugnuts off. This kid stopped, when everyone else just drove past us, and offered to help. He stayed and helped until Ross said he could leave.

Now that is the spirit of St. Valentine!!! To love unconditionally and to show mercy for your fellow man!!

I don't know this kid, but I thank him! Happy Valentine's Day to you!!!

Lately it seems that every Friday afternoon I feel beat down by life, work, people, etc.  This feeling usually makes me want to either go home and sleep or go out and find something to make me forget the past 40+ Hour work week. 

But something happened yesterday making me change my perspective on my situation.  I had the feeling when my husband said, "Hey, just listen to the words."

He set my iPod to a song and hit play.  I had heard the song a million times before and he in fact used to have it on his myspace page as the only song for months (driving everyone crazy).  He used to say it worked for him, but I guess I needed to feel that same exhaustion and oppressive helplessness to actually HEAR the words for the first time. 

To whom it may concern,

I have an addiction...

Yes.  I admit it.  I am addicted to Vampire Knight.  If you have never heard of it, I'd completely understand why.  Before Sept 2008, neither had I, but that fateful day at the Atlanta Anime Weekend, I watched 1-Hr of the anime because  I love vampires, and it had vampire in the title.  It only took about 10-Min from when I started watching the cartoon to realize, I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT VAMPIRE KNIGHT AND I MUST KNOW IT NOW!!!! 

I will attempt to do an unscientific, not in the least very technical comparison of a TZ1 and TZ5.